Gint-A-Bluffs!

I wasn't invited to the big party this year. Either that, or I'm pouting because I can't afford $183 to buy a hobby box from a hoity-toity hobby store where all of the packs are lined with gold and the dealers give you chocolate truffles and Justin Morneau relics when you enter as long as you know the secret handshake. Either way, as is Cards on Cards tradition, the 2010 Allen & Ginter set will be built brick-by-frustrating brick (you can substitute "base card" for "brick" if you'd like) the old (?) fashioned way. We do it blaster style. In any case, I am not letting this stop me from assigning arbitrary points to each card and tallying it up like I might win something. Like my Go-Bots to their Transformers, or like my "every other wooden train set" to their Brio, I present to you: Gint-A-Bluffs!

Pack 1:

270 - Max Poser (-3 for the picture, +2 for his name matching his picture)

143 - Jorge Posada (+3 for being a Yankee who came up in the Yankees system. Sorry, chumps, these are MY rules!)

36 - Victor Martinez (-2, Red Sox)

345 - Stephen Drew (+2 for being an SP, -1 for being related to J.D. Drew)

328 - Jered Weaver Mini (+2 SP, x2 for being a Mini)

TDH6 - Brian Roberts This Day in History

- Checklist 4 of 4

Surprise! There's more... for some reason.

WB1 - World's Biggest Animal (+7 for being a World's Biggest anything, x2 mini. Nice bonus mini.)

Pack 2:

287 - Drew Brees (+3 for beating the Colts in the Super Bowl, -5 for being a football card in a baseball set)

292 - Chris Pettit

276 - Daniel Runzler

19 - Tommy Hanson (-6 for hiring Scott Boras recently, -1 for causing me to link to Twitter.)

TDH35 - Josh Johnson This Day in History (-1 for having a boring name, +1 for wearing a cool number... double nickels!)

Where is my mini?! The last pack ate it, I guess.

Pack 3:

20 - Sacagawea (+70. Why? Because she's Sacagawea, fools.)

194 - Nyjer Morgan

273 - David DeJesus (-9 for getting DL'd for the season barely a week or so after I swooped him up and away from Erin on the waiver wire in a fantasy league.)

303 - Trevor Cahill (+2)

25 - Max Scherzer Black Mini (+10 because black bordered minis look awesome even when I can't scan them properly, x2 mini.)

TDH63 - Alfonso Soriano This Day in History (-12 for being a lousy Cub.)

Pack 4:

216 - Jordin Sparks (-5 because I've never heard of her, -3 because her name is spelled J-O-R-D-I-N.)

274 - Nick Markakis

145 - Jim Thome

AGHS1 - Chase Utley Baseball Sketches (No points... because what is so exciting about sketch cards in a set that is already all drawn.)

- Crack the Code insert

NA17 - Camel National Animals (+3 for fun, x2 mini.)

TDH74 - Carlos Lee This Day in History (-5 for being an Astro, -1 for having a .659 OPS this year.)

222 - Craig Gentry Mini A&G Back (Ahhh! -11 for being mangled, -5 because I've never heard of him, x2 for mini.)

Pack 5:

205 - Meb Keflezighi

33 - Bengie Molina (+2 for being a Molina.)

198 - A.J. Pierzynski (-1 for being a jerk, +3 for punching Michael Barrett... oh wait, I had that wrong. -57 for getting punched by a Cub.)

65 - Andre Ethier

MM17 - Dilophosaurus Monsters of the Mesozoic (+105 for a DINOSAUR, x 2 mini.)

TDH17 - Joe Mauer This Day in History (+1 because everyone seems to like him.)

Pack 6:

6 - Madison Bumgarner (+2 for being a Bumgarner.)

253 - Adam Moore

206 - J.D. Drew (-10 for being J.D. Drew, -2 Red Sox.)

164 - Kyle Blanks (+3 for having cool hair.)

333 - Roy Oswalt (-5 for being an Astro, +2 SP, -17 for not being a Cardinal, -10 for commanding too much in trade value anyway.)

172 - Ian Desmond Mini (x2... I guess 0 times 2 = 0.)

TDH62 - Kevin Youkilis This Day in History (-2 Red Sox)

Pack 7:

251 - Chase Headley

69 - Clay Buchholz (-2 Red Sox)

AGA-CR - Colby Rasmus Framed Auto (+13287!!!, +55 for being a Cardinal, +823 for bringing joy to Southeast Portland, +99 for making the world a better place, +256 because I have this card and you don't, +36 because... extra exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Just in case you wanted to see the back...

256 - Rick Porcello Mini (0 x 2 = 0)

TDH75 - Mariano Rivera This Day in History (+3 Yankee Who Came Up a Yankee)

Pack 8:

Woo! Who cares?! Let's talk about pack 7 some more!!

Okay, fine, here we go...

211 - Johnny Strange (-2 for not being named Poser and looking like this.)

296 - Barry Zito

347 - Orlando Cabrera (-7 for being a scary Red, +2 SP)

10 - Gary Stewart Mini (-1 for not being Rod Stewart, -1 for not being a golfer... Payne Stewart?, x2 Mini)

TDH24 - Joey Votto This Day in History (-7 Scary Red, +3 for refusing to congratulate a Cub, -2 for being a bit of a jerk and lousy at sportsmanship, -1 for not being super bright.)

- Checklist 3 of 4

Alright... now for the final tally...

14697!

I win, right?