Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #115

One of the worst performing players in professional sports will be making around 15 million dollars a year through 2017.

Who is he? "Bossman Junior" Upton is the oldest of the Upton brothers, gaining notoriety as a key member of the Tampa Bay Rays during a couple of playoff runs. He hits for low average and isn't particularly interested in getting on base at all, but he has hit some home runs. Everyone digs the longball, right?

How did he get here? Upton was signed to a massive free agent deal in late 2012 by Atlanta, who also snagged his more talented brother Justin. He then had one of the most astonishingly awful seasons in MLB history last season. I don't know how this isn't talked about more. When a .212 average and an OPS just north of .600 is seen as an improvement, you know things were as horrendous as it gets.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: 2014 Topps #614

Airbrushed Score: 3

Comments: Apparently Upton has suffered with vision issues, though I really fail to understand how someone who is making that much money doesn't go out and get this corrected the very microsecond it's recognized that there's a problem.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #90

Airbrushed Fridays: The Evening Edition

Who is he? Son of former major leaguer (and Cardinal) Steve Swisher, Nick is a free swinging and free spirited outfielder. After coming up with Oakland, he saw a resurgence in his career when he joined the Yankees, making his first All-Star team in 2010 and winning a World Series ring.

How did he get here? After Swisher's four seasons in New York, Cleveland signed him to a big multiyear deal last offseason.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: 2013 Topps Opening Day #90B

Airbrushed Score: 8

Comments: The 'C' on his helmet really blends into the navy blue Yankees helmet. You can clearly see the Yankees blue piping around the sleeves and down his pants as well.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #213

Should we just call it Doctored Fridays?

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? R.A. Dickey's story is well known, but he certainly wasn't until he hit his mid-30s. Dickey was last year's runaway Cy Young Award winner, capping off an amazing three-year run with the Mets for the 38 year old. After floundering as a more conventional pitcher for an entire career, he reinvented himself as a goofy knuckleballer and reaped rewards. He wrote a book about his personal and professional struggles. Not many players can claim being a first time All-Star at age 37, but Dickey can.

Why is this a thing? The Mets were rebuilding and traded off their most popular player at the end of last season. After a rough start (re)adjusting to the American League, Dickey smoothed things out for the second half and captured his first Gold Glove award while playing for the Blue Jays. Even though he enters his age 39 season next year, knucklers have historically been able to pitch well past the expiration date for most ballplayers, so we certainly haven't seen the last of him.

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything but the rotting remains of our jack-o'-lantern, but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #184

Another season has come to an end. Another batch of cars has been flipped in Boston in celebration.

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Denard Span is a human highlight reel, a stellar defensive center fielder who hits well enough to stay in the lineup. He was a first round draft pick of the Twins back in 2002, and spent his entire professional career there until 2013.

Why is this a thing? Span was traded to the Nationals last offseason for a pitching prospect, Alex Meyer. Washington made him their starting center fielder. What I find interesting with this card is that Topps decided to Photoshop Span into a Nationals special alternate uniform, just for kicks?

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything... at all, but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #4

Will the Astros experiment with extreme rebuilding work?

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Matt Dominguez was drafted high by the Florida Marlins, a third baseman with a lot of potential that the Marlins finally cast aside when they spent all their Monopoly money to coincide with the opening of their new abomination of a ballpark. Houston has groomed him for a couple of seasons now, and while his power is still developing he's got a ways to go in other areas (.690 OPS over his first full season.)

Why is this a thing? Dominguez isn't here because of the trade that sent Carlos Lee to Miami. Topps repeated the thing that annoyed me so much from 2012, where they Photoshopped players out of their existing uniforms into new uniforms simply because their team was changing their look for the new season at hand. I find it completely and utterly pointless, entirely the opposite of the way I feel about traditionally airbrushed cards. Altering card photos has historically been utilized out of need and with good intentions. A player changed teams, no current photos are available, let's try to get the guy's blue cap to look more like a green cap... you know the drill. There's just no point to this at all. Topps seems to have decided that their sets, particularly the Opening Day line, need to function as crystal balls rather than historical documents. The next thing we know, Topps will be putting players in other teams' uniforms based on the chance that they might get traded. Maybe I won't be shocked if there are 30 different Robinson Cano variations in 2014 Topps Opening Day. Okay, maybe just 29. There's no way Cano ends up in an Astros uniform next year. Speaking of the Astros, does anyone believe this intense rebuilding phase will work? Have they hit bottom yet? Will they replace their young, league minimum-earning position players with non-union Mexican equivalents? So-called experts believe that they could be good again in just a few years, but it will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything other than several mismatched socks, but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #174

In honor of Julio Franco's birthday, here's today's airbrushed atrocity.

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Kendrys Morales is a slugging first baseman/DH type that spent the first 7 years of his professional baseball career having his name misspelled and mispronunced. It seems like a really odd thing to just grin and accept, but I'm a person whose name is so frequently misspelled that I tend to just start spelling it out for people when I get that certain confused look on someone's face. Short an 'S', Morales came up in the Angels system and is perhaps best known for suffering a severe knee injury while celebrating a walkoff grand slam, something that kept him out of action for nearly two years.

Why is this a thing? Offensively starved Seattle came a-calling for Morales's services after he had proved his relative health in 2012. The pitching rich Mariners sent over Jason Vargas in return, and seem to have succeeded in becoming mediocre at both pitching and hitting instead of being polar opposites at each as they were in the past. As is the case with many Topps Opening Day cards in recent years, we get someone's Photoshop handywork on a photo that is not very flattering to begin with.

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything other than a torn ACL, but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #66

I have no words. I'll let the internet speak for me...

That about sums it up.

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Shin-Soo Choo was a Seattle Mariners prospect who, in the Bill Bavasi era of brilliance, was dealt away before getting much of a chance at the major league level for Ben Broussard. This was just a few weeks after they traded Asdrubal Cabrera away for the services of Eduardo Perez. Both Choo and Cabrera are very productive major leaguers these days.

Why is this a thing? The Reds took part in a super trade involving too many teams and players to recount last offseason, the gist of which meant that Choo would take over CF duties for Drew Stubbs. He's remained very productive with the bat, but his lack of experience at the key outfield position has reared its ugly head defensively. Also speaking of ugly, well, there's this Photoshop thing going on...

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything other than a hyperlink and a front office position with the Mariners, but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #106

The first place Cardinals head into a weekend home series tonight with the second place Pirates, who they lead by a half game. How do you know it's still April baseball? Just take a look at the end of that last sentence. The NL Central remains a wide open race as it probably will continue to be for several months. St. Louis has found a new closer in Edward Mujica, at least for now, but the bullpen still remains a work in progress. Also, "work in progress" is usually a euphemism for "barrelful of suck".

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Trevor Bauer is a righty hurler who was the third overall draft pick less than two calendar years ago. He struggled in his few appearances with the Diamondbacks last season as a 21 year old, but his new team is tempted to continue to rush him to the majors.

Why is this a thing? Bauer was a big piece of a three team prospects-and-Shin-Soo-Choo-for-some-reason offseason deal that saw him join up with the Tribe. Cleveland has starting pitching woes currently, so it probably won't be long before the now-22 year old is back in the bigs. Bauer is Photoshopped into the new-for-2013 Cleveland uniform, which shows Topps is on the ball.

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything other than a hyperlink and two scoops of raisins are the reason Kellogg's Raisin Bran is so pleasin', but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #201

I was at a Dinosaur Jr show last night, so I missed the ugliness between the Padres and the Dodgers, save for a few clips on the MLB Network. I don't usually tend to side with the Dodgers in most matters, but am I right in thinking that Quentin (and the Padres by extension) were completely in the wrong there? It's really annoying that a talented player like Zack Greinke can get injured in such a senseless way, but maybe I'm also just ticked because he's on one of my fantasy teams. I'd be interested to hear about this from a Padres perspective.

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Ervin Santana is one of those extremely talented pitchers whose stats just don't ever sync up with his expected results. At this point, we should probably except the righty with the big slider to be just be inconsistent and leave it at that. The Angels certainly must have been thinking this when they flipped him and a pile of cash last October to the Royals for a minor league reliever.

Why is this a thing? Do you think we'll ever see a return to some posed, actually-in-new-uniform shots for newly acquired players? At first, I was somewhat amused by the Photoshop thing, but now that it's pretty much become the norm for sets like Opening Day and Heritage, I am growing tired of it. I also know that it's been years since there's been a significantly terrible Cardinals Photoshop in one of these early sets, and that makes it less fun for me.

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything other than a hyperlink and a half-hearted apology from Carlos Quentin, but you never know!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2013 Topps Opening Day #36

We are three days away from Opening Day! This is not a drill. On Sunday evening, the Texas Rangers battle the remnants of the Houston Astros, American League style. Those festivities (?) then give way to a nearly full slate of MLB action on Monday, like Abner Doubleday (or whatever British dude actually invented the game) intended. I am taking the day off from work just to geek out on sportsgames all day and I suggest you do the same. Wait, your boss isn't cool with it? Fake an illness or injury! Wait, you're unemployed/going to college/living in your mom's basement? Just pretend it's dark outside and crack open some cold ones! Peanuts! Caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts! Disregard any interest in ever returning! Bases Ball!

Who is this week's victim, and why do we care? Tommy Hanson is a former Next Big Thing who is teetering dangerously close to Shoulda Coulda Woulda Been territory. He had a rough season last year and could be suffering from some sort of ailment that affects most pitchers at some point in their careers.

Why is this a thing? Hanson was traded in the offseason to the Angels for one time closer Jordan Walden. He was the reliever the Angels were all buzzed up about until Ernesto Frieri passed him up, and both pitchers probably needed a change of scenery. And as usual, the Topps Opening Day set once again serves as a breeding ground for Photoshopped masterpieces. Oh Adobe, is there anything you can't do?

Airbrushed Fridays is a weekly feature as the name seems to imply. If you know of a card with an altered photograph that you'd like to see featured, please contact me. You probably won't win anything other than a hyperlink and some defecated coffee, but you never know!