Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #495

Sans moustache. Oscar predictor. 

Who is he? John Axford is a reliever who came to big league prominence in an unlikely way. While was drafted twice, he came to his first MLB contract as a free agent and was given up on by two organizations before finding his place. In 2011, he tied for the NL lead in saves as a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. And he sported some interesting facial hair. Also, he's Canadian.

How did he get here? Axford had a rough couple of seasons in Milwaukee following his stellar 2011 and was dealt to the Cardinals at the trade deadline in 2013. He seemed to have turned things around in his brief time in The Birds on the Bat, which he parlayed into a new contract with Cleveland. He's bounced around since and heads into the new season on a two year deal with the Athletics.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but here's the source photo. Which makes me angry. Because as far as I know, there are no John Axford Cardinals cards and there never will be.

Embed from Getty Images

Airbrushed Score: 6

Comments: If you want to realize how terrible the photo situation has become with the flagship Topps sets, here's a good example. Look at how bright and crisp this original photo is. And look at what they did with the card after all of the cropping and processing. Horrible. This would have made a great horizontal card.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #622

Two weeks until pitchers and catchers report. Two weeks! 

Who is he? Dexter Fowler is a speedy outfielder who came up in the Rockies system after Colorado made him their 14th Round draft pick back in 2004. His most productive season at the plate came in 2012, but he was known for having a severe home/road split like many Rockies hitters before him.

How did he get here? Fowler was traded to the Astros, recently moved to the American League, following the 2013 season. He only spent a year in Houston and played for the Cubs last year. He's currently a free agent.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but here's the source photo -

Embed from Getty Images

Airbrushed Score: 10

Comments: In the Photoshop era, this is about as bad as they come.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #506

He was more of an idea than an actual physical presence on the field.

Who is he? Rafael Furcal is a 3-time All-Star shortstop who could hit and field. He was absolutely one of the league's best at his position in his time with Atlanta, the team that signed him out of the Dominican Republic and raised him. Furcal struggled to stay healthy past the age of 30, missing significant chunks of every season outside of his All-Star seasons with the Dodgers and the Cardinals.

How did he get here? Furcal was a trade deadline pickup by the Cardinals in 2011 that helped solidify the SS position of a team on the verge of a surprising World Series win, but he wasn't around down the stretch the following year. Eventually, Furcal would get Tommy John surgery, which is less of a horror show for a young pitcher these days but probably not the ideal situation for a 35 year old shortstop. After rehabbing for all of 2013, the Miami Marlins signed him to hopefully be their new starting second baseman last season. He didn't appear in a game until June and only logged 9 games played in total. He's now in Kansas City on a minor league deal.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but here's the source image:

View image | gettyimages.com

Airbrushed Score: 7

Comments: Those Marlins uniforms are always going to look goofy to me, Photoshop or otherwise.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #490

2014 was so, so long ago.

Who is he? Logan Morrison is a part time outfielder and first baseman who came up in the Marlins system. He was, to my knowledge, the first player to get demoted to the minors for focusing more on Twitter than his game during his time with Florida. This didn't make Morrison very happy as he sought legal retribution for his troubles.

How did he get here? The Mariners traded a bullpen arm, Carter Capps, to the Marlins last offseason to bring Morrison to the Pacific Northwest.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None

Airbrushed Score: 7

Comments: This appears to be another close-cropped photo, something that Topps has favored of late. But why stop there? They could have just zoomed in to Logan's face and had even less work to do in Photoshop.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #646

Take a break from buying things to check out this Photoshopped thing.

Who is he? For the second straight week, we have a former Cardinal on a 2014 Topps Series 2 card. Haren was a one-time pitching prospect with St. Louis and was at the heart of the deal that brought Mark Mulder over from Oakland. While Haren began to develop in the Bay Area, Mulder struggled to figure out where his arm should be when he threw the ball and quickly found out that his MLB days were numbered. After his first All-Star appearance, Haren was part of a big prospect swap with Arizona that returned Carlos Gonzalez among others. (CarGo was flipped again when Oakland acquired Matt Holliday, who the Cardinals eventually snagged for spare parts. Weird.)

How did he get here? Haren's best years were with the Diamondbacks, but he's bounced around with limited success ever since, with stops in Anaheim, Washington, and now Los Angeles. The Dodgers signed him to a two year deal last offseason despite the fact that he's essentially been a league average starting pitcher for multiple seasons now.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but here's the source image.

Airbrushed Score: 9

Comments: Does anyone have any idea why Haren is wearing #11 in this photo? He wears #14 with the Dodgers and previously wore #15. This is both awful and mysterious.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #428

I have yet to find a single Photoshopped card from 2014 Topps Update, so here's something from Series 2.

Who is he? Once a Cardinals organizational soldier, Skip Schumaker has become something of a journeyman in his post-Rally Squirrel days. Unfortunately, the most notoriety the outfielder (and one time second baseman) seems to get these days is when he takes the mound in the late innings of a blowout.

How did he get here? After departing St. Louis, Skip spent a single season with the Dodgers, accumulating a -1.4 WAR in his time there according to whichever WAR metric that Topps uses. Former Cardinals GM Walt Jocketty likes to acquire any and every ex-Cardinal he can find so he can put them back in Red and dream of the good times, which must be how Schumaker ended up in Cincinnati as a free agent.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but here's the source image.

Airbrushed Score: 7

Comments: Okay, without cheating, can anyone name the ballpark Skip is playing at?

A Fantastic Rack Pack

I didn't even have to use my A.K.

I was having a pretty lousy Monday (yesterday) when I stopped at the Rite Aid for some cans of soup and some beverages. Rite Aid is a pretty sad place to look for cards, but there happened to be a couple of 2014 Topps Series 2 rack packs on one of the endcaps, calling my name. I picked up one because I'm a sucker. It turned out pretty well.

I actually got a card for my collection, for starters. I am actually missing a ton of Cardinals inserts from Series 1 and Series 2 as well as a good chunk of the Update Series team set.

Not that it doesn't clash with everything, because it does, but the "red hot foil" really superclashes with this guy's camo uniform.

Hey, a rookie card of the Rookie of the Year. I can't complain about that.

It gets better, though! A camo parallel of an actual star player? Hard to believe for a pack that could and probably would have sat on a drug store rack all winter until some employee accidentally knocked it on the ground and swept it up with whatever debris people tend to leave on the floor of drug stores.

And here's one of those SABR variations I've been hearing so much about. BABIP Away!

Yeaaaahhhh!

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #469

Extreme Close-Up!! Extreme Close-Up!!

Who is he? Jesse Crain is a right-handed reliever who spent his 10 year career with the Twins and the White Sox. After pitching in relative obscurity (which is generally what happens with non-closer relievers), Crain had a phenomenal start in 2013, leading to an All-Star selection. Unfortunately, he was injured and unable to appear in the All-Star Game, and was later dealt to the Rays. He hasn't pitched in a game that counts since. Also, he's Canadian!

How did he get here? Crain was then signed by the Astros as a free agent, but he only found more injury woes there. It appears that he's not on track to pitch at all in 2014.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None

Airbrushed Score: 9

Comments: C'mon, this is a guy who has never suited up for the Astros. Also, I'm really sick of the unnecessary extreme photo cropping, Topps.

Bargain Blaster

Featuring the familiar One Exclusive Patch Card Inside!

I had a $5 off coupon burning a hole in my pocket and finally put it to good use last weekend. Along with my first dip into 2014 Allen & Ginter territory, I also snagged a 2014 Topps Series 2 blaster at a more affordable price. By this time of year, I usually stay far away from the base set because I am usually running out of Cardinals to collect. That's not the case this year. I have a feeling I will still be working on the team set proper by the time the calendar flips to 2015.

The manupatch card could've been worse, I suppose, but I have never successfully traded with an A's fan. When you couple that with the fact that Cespedes was recently traded and probably isn't all that exciting to an A's fan these days (a theoretical fan at that), I am probably not going to be able to get rid of this any time soon.

This was a big pull for me. Craig got traded just as I was starting my vacation a few weeks ago, and his past contributions to the team will be missed. Unfortunately, it seems like he's broken now, so it's quite understandable that he was dealt. Joe Kelly, on the other hand... don't get me started. I will break things.

These don't really do it for me, but they're not terribly easy to find. If anyone is sitting on any of these flashy red Cardinals, you know who to get in touch with.

I could have saved this for a future Airbrushed Friday, but this is a pretty boring card. I would have liked to have seen more of Bourjos this year than what we've gotten, but Jon Jay has been on fire lately.

I think I have 8 of these. Does Bundy even exist anymore?

Red hot blue jay.

These are really boring. Have I mentioned that?

Nomar had one of the stranger careers in recent years. He succeeded at crossing over into pop culture mainstream consciousness (I remember the SNL sketches), but wasn't able to play at a high level long enough to be a serious Hall of Fame candidate.

R.I.P.

Gold bordered cards are pretty ugly and unmemorable this year. I bet that's going to change in 2015.

This is the second short printed variation that I've pulled from Series 2. After making some money back on my Evan Gattis bedazzled Photoshop thing, I ended up with a Futures jersey variation of broken Jose Fernandez. Any takers?

McGwire looks awkward here.

The only thing Matt Harvey is SaberStarring in this year is SaberRehab.

Pujols looks more and more like a comic book villain/tough guy with each passing day. I ended up with something like 20 of these Target parallels, but I didn't feel like scanning them all.

I entered my code online and nothing happened.

Zimmerman looks to be the latest of a series of star players that I wasn't familiar with at all when I returned to collecting to be on the last legs of his career. Is that fair? Maybe not, but I remember Topps introducing me to players like Nick Markakis, Grady Sizemore, Brian Roberts and Zimmerman way back when. Now their days of appearing on insert cards seem to mostly be behind them, though Markakis is still a solid regular and plus defender.

As always, send me an email if you're interesting in anything here aside from the Cardinals cards.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #431

Why do baseball players wear those miniature jumpropes around their necks, anyway?

Who is he? Brett Anderson is a former second round draft pick with the Diamondbacks who was involved in the massive Dan Haren/Carlos Gonzalez trade back in 2007. The former Olympian hurler broke into the bigs in 2009 with Oakland and spent his entire career there until a trade this past offseason.

How did he get here? Anderson had a rough 2013 season and had battled injuries throughout much of his career. Oakland sent him to the Rockies for Drew Pomeranz and a minor leaguer. Anderson will make just his 6th start of the season tonight with Colorado as they face the Pirates.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but you could probably search Getty Images to find the original photo before it was Photoshopped.

Airbrushed Score: 5

Comments: At one point, didn't Series 2 mean players who swapped teams in their new uniforms? Now it just seems to be mean players Photoshopped into their new uniforms and some guys who were intentionally held out of Series 1 so that the whole set isn't relievers, utility infielders and organizational roster filler.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #446

The last man standing of Oakland's Big Three.

Who is he? Tim Hudson has been one of baseball's most solid starting pitchers over the last decade and a half. Alongside Barry Zito and Mark Mulder, Oakland's starting pitching staff was one of the most feared in the game. The current A's team has become very mighty once again, though they've been assembled in a much different way. After Oakland, Hudson spent eight seasons with Atlanta where he continued to pitch at a high level.

How did he get here? Hudson left to sign as a free agent with the Giants, who are trying to continue their even year dominance and get back to the World Series again. Oddly enough, they may have to take down Oakland if they want to win their 3rd title in 5 years, and they've struggled mightily of late. It's also not even the All-Star break just yet.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None

Airbrushed Score: 6

Comments: Very closely cropped, so you have to imagine he has legs.

Clearly Amazing

Quality you can see through!

This was another Listia pickup, something that I spent far too few credits on for it to be worth it to the seller. Things like this make me feel a little bit bad. Even though he shares space with a couple of other guys, this clear acetate 2014 Topps parallel (#4 out of 10) immediately becomes one of the crown jewels of my burgeoning Adam Wainwright collection.

I'll give some credit where credit is due, especially with the Dodgers taking 3 of 4 from the Cardinals in St. Louis. With apologies to Jordan Zimmermann, who is a fine pitcher of his own right, this is a crazy time to be dumping low numbered Clayton Kershaw cards right now. And, of course, I wasn't even thinking of him when I bid all of my available credits on this card.

Airbrushed Fridays: 2014 Topps #553

Let's all hop in the Hot Topps Time Machine.

Who is he? Michael Pineda is an interesting story. Plucked from the Dominican Republican at age 16 by the Mariners, he was an All-Star in his rookie season, virtually unheard of for a starting pitcher. He scuffled a bit towards the end of the season and then spent nearly two seasons recovering from a labrum tear. Now he might be best known for using excessive amounts of pine tar and practically begging someone to tell him he couldn't.

How did he get here? Pineda was dealt to the Yankees in one of those rare top prospect-for-top prospect trades. Seattle got Jesus Montero in return, but both sides didn't really know exactly what they were getting. In Montero, Seattle got a guy who can't play any kind of defense and who has kept himself off of the field for other reasons (drugs, food?, hitting) as well. Meanwhile, the Yankees got a quality starting pitcher who has yet to catch a break from the injury gods.

Repeat offender? No

Other versions of this card: None, but this Photoshop has been used before. In 2012. Here's the original source photo from 2011!

Airbrushed Score: 8

Comments: Well, this is what happens when a guy doesn't pitch for a long time. I've got an idea, though. Topps has 3 series of base cards. If they can't get a current photo out of a guy by their Series 2 deadline, why don't they hold him back for the Update Series? Is it that hard?

The $10 Retail Challenge: The Man on the Box

The spokesmodel for Topps Series 2 happened to throw one of the game's most dominant no-hitters tonight, just in time for the conclusion to this series.

Hanger boxes are kind of a cheat. There are no shiny wrappers to peel open and the anticipation is only as great as you make it. You open the box, slide out the contents that are thinly wrapped in clear cellophane, and everything you will ever get is just laid out before you. A lesser person could easily toss chunks of base cards at the wall. (This is probably something that those crazy bulk case breakers actually do for fun.) I was really enamored with the little cereal boxes when Topps first introduced this concept, back in 2009, but it was more about looking at the little boxes with the legends on the cover than what was inside. It was a novelty idea. Topps soon made them look all gangly and uninteresting so they could do something functional like hang on a metal rack, and here we are.

In truth, however, if you're willing to sacrifice the thrill of opening several little packages for one big one, these are a good value.

I didn't manage to get a single Target exclusive red parallel in any of the loose packs I opened, so it was nice to see these make a return here even though they were all but promised to me on the outside of the box. I don't think the jumbo packs were Target exclusives (I think maybe they don't come that way) and I forgot to check the odds on the wrappers anyway, so maybe I wasn't super unlucky.

I was unlucky in that, for the third time, I pulled the a double of an insert. Not cool, Topps. Not cool.

Gone are the shocking yellow parallels that most people seemed to love and in their place are these hideous orangey brown things. eBay users are calling them "brown", but they don't really look like a real color that exists. Who am I to argue with eBay people? The yellow cards actually seem to cost a fortune, but I bet these won't quite hold the same value because they couldn't possibly be attractive to anyone. Plus, the two that I pulled have very slightly fuzzy corners anyway.

Hector Sanchez gets the award for being the Guy That's Been in the League For Four Years Who I Still Have Never Heard Of.

Here's another new insert featuring an extremely unflattering photo of a player that seems to be a bit of a shock that he ranks among the league leaders in anything. I guess that's probably the point here, though.

Here's the man of the hour. Tower of power.

Another red hot red card of a player for a red team.

Motte plain.

Motte gold. Much better! It's always nice to get a Cardinals "hit". And yes, this is what I consider a hit. Stop laughing.

Remember when everyone was scrambling to get one of the only cards that was printed of this Puig guy? I'm pretty sure that Topps Update is going to be nothing but 330 Puig cards, and only the inserts will have other players -- posing with and/or getting a bat flipped at them by Puig.

Okay, you know what? I'm not above this after all. These are turd parallels. In 2011, Topps had shiny chunky vomit colored parallels and now they're just churning out turds. Sorry, guys, I really tried.

I'll end it on a good note with this Michael Wacha Future Stars card.

So which configuration reigned supreme? I'm going to go with the hanger box, despite the "orange" parallels that I'm really not fond of. This whole experience seemed to have a heavy Dodgers feel to it, however. I don't feel great about that.

UPDATE: Well, this is awkward. It seems like I pulled one of those ridiculously silly sparkle variations as well. I should probably head off to eBay with this.